Gentle parenting: in or out?

I have thoughts...

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Does gentle parenting still hold up in 2024?

I recently recorded a conversation with

Laura Thomas, PhD, RNutr

for her podcast and substack

Can I Have Another Snack?

where we chatted about whether gentle parenting has a diet culture problem (spoiler: I think so!). Our conversation got me thinking more widely about gentle parenting in general, and whether or not it’s still fit for purpose as a movement - or if we need to get deeper and grapple with some bigger, more difficult questions.

Unsurprisingly, I have thoughts:

The vast majority of gentle parenting writing, coaching, and advice I’ve seen doesn’t take into account adultism or adult-child power dynamics.¹ A lot of gentle parenting advice is based on the four ‘parenting styles’ model which was originally developed by Diana Baumrind. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, even if you don’t recognise her name.

Her thesis was that parenting styles can be plotted and tend to fall into four broad camps: authoritarian (very strict, very high expectations of children’s behaviour, not very open to children’s views), permissive (very relaxed and warm, very low expectations, allows child to do whatever they like), neglectful (doesn’t really get involved or care), and authoritative (high expectations but also high levels of responsiveness and warmth). This last style - authoritative parenting - is hailed as the gentle parenting sweet spot; parents can set limits with love, and empathise with their children when they are disappointed. This might look like the following interaction: “No, we only have one cookie a day. I can see that makes you sad, you really wanted to eat a second one didn’t you? You wish you could have another one, I hear you! It’s OK to be sad, I’m here for you.”

In this model, parents are the benevolent leaders of the home: they remain calm, they prioritise connection to their children, they provide a safe and loving foundation from which their children can go out into the world - and they are the ones who make the rules.