Who am I without my achievements?

I think I might be too scared to find out

Small Places is a newsletter and podcast which talks about parenting, education, and children’s rights.

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Just a reminder that my new book It’s Not Fair: why it’s time for a grown-up conversation about how adults treat children is available to preorder now ahead of publication on June 20th.

Preorders are SO important (you can read why here) and make a big difference to how well a book does. As a thank you to everyone who preorders, I’ll be creating some special perks to send out nearer the time, so hold on to your receipt or order confirmation!

In the UK, you can preorder online from any of the ‘big’ bookstores like Waterstones and Foyles, from Bookshop.org which supports independent bookstores, or directly from gorgeous indies like Pages of Hackney or The Feminist Bookshop in Brighton.

If you’re in the US, Blackwells in the UK offers free shipping to the States (and lots of other countries too!) and there are a few different options to preorder if you’re in Australia including Booktopia.

What does success mean?

It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot in the run up to my new book It’s Not Fair being published next month.

If you are not an author (and especially if you would like to be one), publishing a book can seem incredibly glamorous and exciting. You might see writers sharing press coverage on social media, hosting big launch parties, expressing delight at flattering endorsement quotes, and - if they are very lucky - celebrating their book’s bestseller status.

To be sure, there are many wonderful things about having your writing packaged up neatly and sent out into the world. There’s nothing quite like receiving a message from someone I don’t know who has been so moved by my ideas that they’ve taken the time out of their day to write to me, and the thrill of seeing my book on a shelf in a real life shop is very real.

Being given a platform to share my words with others is gift and a privilege, and it’s one I don’t take for granted. Last weekend I took an early copy of my book to some bookshops in Brighton where I grew up, and I was deeply moved by returning to the shop across the road from the tiny flat I lived in until I was eight. I wonder if my parents ever thought their daughter’s book would one day be stocked in the shop they loved so much?

But the process of writing, and then publishing, a book isn’t always as easy as the smiling announcements make it look. Getting words on the page and trying to make them say what I want them to say is difficult and sometimes stressful, and I’ve never felt more self-doubt or imposter syndrome. The terror that I have accidentally written something offensive or untrue (or both), or that I’ve plagiarised someone without meaning to, regularly wakes me up with in the middle of the night, dry mouth and thumping heart. If I was brave enough to work it out, I know the pay per hour of work would be unspeakable. And the logistics of making it happen - of writing an entire book while home educating and working and studying - has been interesting.

What’s also been interesting has been reflecting on the ways in which productivity culture and mainstream ideas around success and achievement have been showing up for me. It’s not just writing a book which has triggered these thoughts; I’ve been feeling similar feelings about my MA, and about paid work in general, and why my life has to be so very busy. I think many of the seeds of these feelings were planted in my childhood, at school and during the years I was raised in a religion.

I’m actively thinking about these things at the moment, so I can’t promise that this piece will be neat or that I have any solutions (I don’t). I’m sharing it in the hope that it will resonate with some of you, and that, by airing these thoughts, I might shake off some of the discomfort I’m feeling.

This post is a vulnerable one, so if you’re on the free list I’m afraid this is where you’ll leave us. If you’d like to upgrade your account and support my writing, I’d be so happy to have you as a paid subscriber!